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The only 5 games that ever turned me on

The only 5 games that ever turned me on

Dead Or Alive Xtreme 2
I played this for about ten minutes before I realised it was truly awful, but I confess I enjoyed the first three of those ten minutes. Y’know those weird guys who try to tell you the Dead Or Alive girls are better than the real thing? They’re wrong. But still… phew!

Rumble Roses XX
Rumble Roses saw what Dead Or Alive was doing and decided it just wasn’t sexist or degrading enough. Step one: get rid of male characters altogether. Step two: make it purely about wrestling. Step three: make the tits even bigger and the bikinis even smaller. It’s just so… clever.

Final Fantasy X-2
There’s a popular notion that this game about three hot teenage women who frequently change their clothes while fighting is aimed at female gamers. I beg to differ. Who cares about the tactical nuances of each Dressphere? Let’s just find the two skimpiest outfits and have them all switch between them over and over until they’re dead.

Devil May Cry 4
Y’know, I don’t really care that Bael is a giant toad demon with a mouth big enough to eat, like, ten of me at once, I’d take my chances with his antennae. If I really concentrated I’m pretty sure I could convince myself he wasn’t even there. And if he ate me? Ah well, I’d die with a smile on my face.

Guitar Hero III: Legends Of Rock
What a transformation! Between Guitar Hero II and Guitar Hero III, Casey Lynch went from whisky-addled hag to out-and-out rock goddess. You can keep Judy Nails punk grrrl look, Pandora’s emo-goth pretence and Midori’s neon puffball nonsense, Casey is the ultimate rock chick. I love her. Shut up. I do.




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  • Ian Dransfield

    What about Alyx? Does she not DO IT for you?

    You hussy.

  • Gavin Mackenzie

    I love her as a friend.

  • “Final Fantasy X-2
    There’s a popular notion that this game about three hot teenage women who frequently change their clothes while fighting is aimed at female gamers. ”

    to bad they didn’t change their handbags.

  • Will this change once you play Catherine?

  • dead or alive extreme 2 lol wow… thats pretty

  • McJugga

    LMAO. The author of this article is a fat virgin nerd.

  • oliver

    mc jugga so so true, why?

  • John Malcolm

    How about the girls in Brutal Legend? There must be some of them who Rock Your World!

    I’d have the girls who ride the metalic hog motorcycle things and have enormous hair and even bigger weapons…

  • Joey

    I know what you mean about busses.
    Nothing worse than sitting next to a granny with a stiffy sneaking down your thigh and your just 5 minutes from your stop.
    I now know why women love washing machines so much.