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Metal Gear, and Gay Paris…


Good afternoon, world. I see that our blog has absolutely exploded in popularity– I can barely stand after reading all those incisive, witty comments! Give yourselves a pat on the back!

Aside from being a massive prick, however, I thought I’d blog about my coming Paris excursion, where I will be conquering final code of Metal Gear Solid 4. Two-and-a-half years ago, I probably would’ve exploded at the very thought of such an insane activity.

Flash forward two-and-a-half years, though, and I’m slightly bored of Metal Gear Solid 4. After countless trailers, a hands-on session that I missed (stupid holiday) and around 80 erratic podcasts from Kojima Productions, my enthusiasm has just waned. Does that make me a miserable sod, or am I right to make such a judgment?

mgs4_05.jpgI can’t decide. Instead, I’m forcing myself to get back into the series in pseudo-rape fashion; this weekend, it’s Metal Gear Solid. I never resisted the Ocelot torture bollocks in my first playthrough, so I think it’s worth seeing how it ends when Meryl lives. Was the game ever that good, or just a big pile of gash? My exhaustive session with the game, encompassing KFC and awful snacks, will put it all in perspective.

After that, I’m moving onto Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty, which we only gave a 79% score back in 2002. Personally, I would’ve let it scrape a 90%, but I do admit that the game has a lot of problems– not least the fact that you spend seven hours disposing of bombs, looking like Annie Lennox in a blonde wig.

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, though, was a true classic. Because I’m neither rich nor stupid, I never opted for Subsistence, so I never got to test out the game with its new third-person perspective. Snake Eater was more than enough for me, though. Eva in a bikini? Yes please. Boss battles, like the sniper fight with The End, were among the best I’ve seen on the PS2. I spent 2 hours hunting that bastard down; in retrospect, I was a total muppet.


Overall, then, the series has been a bit of an extravaganza. In the face of overwhelming criticism from miscellaneous bastards (Christopher Reynolds), I’ve always stuck by the series, no matter how dodgy or implausible the plot became. The fourth one, however, may be the one that finally shows the cracks in the Metal Gear mirror.

Let’s see, shall we? I’ll post my thoughts on April 30th, several days after I write six pages in a day.


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