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GTAV Trailer – Analysis And Release Date!

GTAV Trailer – Analysis And Release Date!

Everyone is doing a Grand Theft Auto V trailer analysis right now. Everyone. Everyone has said that it’s Ray Liotta doing the voiceover (it’s not), the music is Ogdens’ Nut Gone Flake (about 50 million people have pointed this out now) and Tommy Vercetti is back (massive conjecture).

So instead of guessing and spreading rumours, here are 100% FACTS lifted straight from the Grand Theft Auto V trailer. And if you haven’t seen it yet, here you go:

DOGS = CONFIRMED

It also has running! That’s right, we called it. We said the next Grand Theft Auto game would continue the series proud tradition of allowing you to run and it looks like we’re right. RUNNING = CONFIRMED. BOOM. 1-0 to Play.

It is definitely made by Rockstar Games. ROCKSTAR GAMES = CONFIRMED.

WATER = CONFIRMED

CLOUDS = CONFIRMED

“Oh, and I suppose you’re going to point out the there’s a woman in the trailer, therefore women in GTAV are confirmed, ho ho ho Play, very amusing.” NO. Don’t be so trite. We don’t earn the big bucks by point out the obvious. Look closer. That’s right. Keep looking… BAM! See it? Just behind her? A Cola poster! COLA IN GTAV = CONFIRMED

Gasp! What’s Frank West doing in the game? He covers wars… therefore… WAR IN GTAV = CONFIRMED

We can see people working in a field, so there’s OBVIOUSLY a mini-game where you can grow your own vegetables. We cannot confirm what kind of vegetables they are. Given the game at least partly takes place in Vinewood, which is a parody of Hollywood, which is in California, which is known for growing tomatoes, then these must be tomatoes. They won’t be cherry tomatoes (too small) or beefsteak tomatoes (too big, you’d be able to see them), so they must be plum tomatoes. These are usually used for tomatoes sauces in pasta. Why would you want to do that? To cook your own dinner, of course! COOKING IN GTAV = CONFIRMED

The trailer also confirms there’s also another mini-game where you can play as a pest controller. Given the sense of urgency shown and the machine guns being used, the rats must be pretty damn big. GIANT RATS = CONFIRMED.

Now this is really interesting. Everyone is quick to say “oooooh the recession!” because it’s someone selling their house, and the Grand Theft Auto V logo has a banknote background, which is also why everyone said the game was going to take place in Washington which has been conveniently forgotten now it’s been proved wrong. But yes. The point is, this DOESN’T show the recession. Have a look. It’s a sign that says for sale. Then look at the 2405… could that mean 24/05? As in, 24th of May? For sale on 24th of May? SWEET JUMPING JESUS Rockstar has only gone and confirmed the release date in the trailer! 24TH MAY RELEASE DATE FOR GTAV = CONFIRMED




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  • gdh

    Growing and cooking tomatos will be the best part of the ENTIRE GAME!!! it’ll be way more fun then climbing mountains with dirt bikes, or sky diving or anything like that HELL YEAH!!! lol