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Five Weapons Fallout: New Vegas Should Have But Doesn’t

While watching the above video of one Fallout: New Vegas modder’s Mininuke Minigun, our imaginations were suddenly ablaze with an armoury of devious constructions with which we could lay waste to the Mojave Wasteland ourselves. Here are five of them for your reading pleasure, in no particular order.

Super Sledgehammer rifle
A normal Varmint Rifle, but instead of loading it with bullets you just cram a Super Sledgehammer down the barrel with a few hundred pounds of gunpowder. With a telescopic sight attached this weapon is capable of firing the Super Sledgehammer up to distances of four miles and over, with the melee weapon in question swinging wildly the entire time.

Laser chainsaw
My collecting all the power from microfusion cells (using a contraption that utilises a fusion power reactor and a hamster wheel) players are able to bend and shape lasers into a chainsaw blade. This can now be attached to a chainsaw motor. Ain’t nobody in the Wasteland going to mess with a man with a chainsaw made out of lasers. Not even Caesar.

Ballistic Fist launcher
During our travels last night we came across the Ballistic Fist for the first time, a glove that delivers an immensely powerful right hook. We thought, wouldn’t it be better if this were projectile? And hey presto, we have a the Ballistic Fist launcher. Capable of firing twelve Ballistic Fists a second, coming under fire from this weapon for anything over a minute would feel somewhat akin to having Mike Tyson incessantly punch you in the balls for over a week.

Fisto the sex bot
Upon meeting the Fully Integrated Security Technotronic Officer (aka Fisto) in Freeside, our first thought was, naturally, how can we weaponise this? We would make him twice as big, of course, and give him bowling balls for hands. Then we’d ride him (PIGGYBACK, you deviant) into the sunset, destroying all that dared face up against our almighty sex robot power.

Flaming, plasma-infused, nuclear propelled, chainsaw-tipped spear
Ok, we’re running out of ideas. So here’s our last idea, dredged from the furthest reaches of our admittedly limited imagination. It’s a spear, that’s on fire, with a chainsaw at the end, and propelled by a nuclear blast. Unfortunately this weapon is so powerful the use of it forces the inhabitants of America’s wasteland to once again take shelter in the vaults for another 200 years. Well, they do say war never changes. Except for the introduction of flaming, plasma-infused, nuclear propelled, chainsaw-tipped spears of course.




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  • Garan

    FISTO WILL MAKE YOU ASSUME THE POSITION!!!