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6 Things You Didn’t Want To Kill

6 Things You Didn’t Want To Kill

Lists! Everyone loves a list! Notice use of the word ‘things’ to cover the fact that this list contains groups of people, villains, towns and cubes. And there’s only six things on the list!

6. Civilians (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2)

Fear. That’s the main reason you killed the civilians. Yes, we know, blah blah blah controversial blah blah blah Daily Mail blah blah bloody blah. And yes, some people actually enjoyed the rampant mowing down of civilians in a Russian airport (Interesting fact: despite Infinity Ward disabling your melee attack so you can’t knife people, you can still use your weapon’s grenade launcher. Hmmm.)

In any case, it was fear that drove most players to kill those civilians in their initial playthrough, as they tried to play the part of a Russian terrorist so their cover stayed intact. What happened if you didn’t kill the civilians? You didn’t know, because you didn’t want to risk failing the level to find out.

Whether you wanted to kill the civilians or not was a moot point. Unless you had the confidence to push against the new ‘fit in with the bad guys’ rules set by Infinity Ward for that level, you killed them.

Maybe even using the grenade launcher. You bastard.

5. Sniper Wolf (Metal Gear Solid)

She’s one of the more sadistic bosses in Metal Gear Solid, deliberately wounding Meryl to try and draw Snake into the open for a clear shot. Thus begins a long showdown until Snake finally corners Sniper Wolf in a sniper battle across a snowy field, shooting her in the lung.

A triumphant victory turns into something sadder as Sniper Wolf then opens up about her past – how she was brought up on the battlefield, how she’s brought shame on herself by joining Liquid Snake, how she did not kill for sport and how she had been waiting for someone to kill her. To make it worse, geeky scientist Otacon shows up and starts crying, expressing his true feelings for her.

Sniper Wolf tell tells Snake to ‘set her free’. While you might have taken the shot that gravely wounds Sniper Wolf, you have no control over the one taken that, in her own words, sets her free and kills her.

And you thought she was evil. You bastard.

4. Colossi (Shadow of the Colossus)

You’re murdering the Colossi because a voice tells you to. That’s essentially what you’re doing in Shadow of the Colossus, which initially paints you as a hero trying but slowly peels away the mystery surrounding the story to show that you’re actually… not very nice.

As the truth dawns on you and the story becomes clearer, killing the Colossi turns from something you have to do to progress further to something you regret doing but still have to in order to progress. It’s designed that way – it’s not like you have a hidden, diplomatic option available – and to continue your original quest of reviving Mono, you have to keep on killing.

It’s a bittersweet twist in a game that manages to make you question your own actions yet the end result is the same. To complete the game, you have to kill the Colossi.

And that’s exactly what you did. You bastard.

3. Megaton (Fallout 3)

This one is your fault.* Your fault. How could it not be? You had too much interest in the nuke lying in the middle of Megaton. You knew how shady Mister Burke was when he approached you with the offer to blow it up.

Most of all, you just wanted to know what happens. It’s that curiosity that drove you to the top of Tenpenny Tower, overlooking Megaton with the detonator in hand, pushing the button that turned an entire town to nuclear waste. You completed Fallout 3 but only with a mile-long, glowing scorch mark where Megaton used to stand.

* Unless you didn’t blow it up. In which case, you’re being boring. No middle ground. Evil or boring. Which is it to be?

Evil. You went evil, didn’t you? You bastard.

2. Big Daddy (BioShock)

Choice is the key word for BioShock. It’s not only choice on whether you harvest or save Little Sisters but also on whether you decide to kill their guardians, Big Daddy. You can completely ignore them if you want and they will ignore you. Big Daddy will only attack in self-defense. Leave him alone, he leaves you alone.

Except… you can’t. There are at least three you have to kill to complete the game but that’s not even the issue. You kill the Big Daddy so you get access to the Little Sisters and the rewards for the save/harvest choice. Without the rewards, the game becomes much, much tougher. It’s been designed with that decision in mind.

And killing them means you have to suffer the sight of a Little Sister sobbing over the crumpled, metallic body of its passive guardian, crying about “Mr Bubbles”.

You made a small girl cry. You bastard.

1. Companion Cube (Portal)

Okay, it’s not actually a living thing, in that it doesn’t have a pulse, or a heart, or it doesn’t go to the toilet (probably), or it doesn’t moan if you drop it by mistake. But my God, it has more personality in its curved pink heart than most games do in their 10-odd levels of bravado and explosions.

You have to carry the Companion Cube with you to solve puzzles and traps GLaDOS lays out for you, growing a weird bond with the weighted box patterned with hearts.

Then you kill it. GLaDOS makes you drop the companion cube in a furnace, refusing to allow you progress until the cube tumbles to its fiery death and… look at us. LOOK. We’re talking about it like it’s a real person. This is why Valve is so good at making characters. A single cube is more memorable than anyone in, say, Homefront. Can you even recall any of their names?

You didn’t even play Homefront, did you? You bastard.




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  • kev schmit

    WAAAAAAAAA YOUR RIGHT I AM A BASTARD!!!!!!! [sobs some more]

  • Garan

    They all deserved it.