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5 PlayStation games we’ve destroyed in a rage


5. Final Fantasy VIII (Square)

The main quest is rarely frustrating, but the game’s Triple Triad card minigame is utterly ruined by its own mechanics. Once the ‘Random’ rule kicks in and spreads throughout the world, like the rotting disease that it is, you can no longer choose your cards, leaving your hard-earned collection open for the taking by rival players. Incidentally, we smashed down on a PSone with a hard fist, when a student at Balamb Garden took our Ifrit card during one of these ‘Random’ encounters. We destroyed an entire PSone, as well shattering Disc 3 of the game. Oops.


4. Jak II: Renegade (Sony)

Hampered by unbelievably irritating vehicle controls, as well as clumsy third-person shooting, we snapped the Jak II disk in half after our umpteenth bike chase through Haven City ended in failure. We were disappointed, both in that we’d destroyed a semi-expensive game, but also that it confirmed how utterly crap the second Jak game was, compared to the Crash Bandicoot-meets-Zelda classic that was the first. We stand by our decision to toss it in the bin amongst our Peperami wrappers.


3. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (Rockstar)

Not an annoying game per se, San Andreas is nonetheless a tit-stabbingly angering experience during certain missions– Zero’s, for example. While the first Zero mission requires players to shoot down toy airplanes, using the clumsy controls, the second is an eye-wincing quest to guide said airplanes into vans across the city. This was offensively tough. That’s when we snapped, before attempting (and failing) to stab the game with a stainless steel kitchen knife. Oh, we also destroyed a DualShock 2 controller during this little tantrum.


2. Yakuza (Sega)

Funny one, this. We actually destroyed Sega’s sub-Shenmue action adventure (come on, we’re all thinking it) during a fight with a stripper in the game, who later turns out to be a transexual. Stamping on the disc until it snapped wasn’t a hate crime, as you might assume, but rather a cathartic way to end our relationship with the game after a sorry 4 hours. The controls sucked, the graphics were murky and the minigames played terribly. That tranny was tough, too.


1. Viewtiful Joe (PS2)

Viewtiful Joe is probably the most agitating title on this list, given that we’ve snapped– not one– but two of these babies in half. Good job they had tons of copies going for £2.99 at Woolworths, eh (sorry, Capcom)? Anyway, the first time we destroyed Viewtiful Joe was against the giant shark, Bruce, during a largely infuriating boss battle which ended in several of our own deaths. The second time was actually on the last level, where the escalating difficulty of the game’s puzzles sent us totally off the edge. We have since replaced Viewtiful Joe with our third copy of the game, but dare not play it for fear of heart attack.

Viewtiful Joe gets the award for the most creative destruction, too– we bit the disc on the second occasion, like a Labrador.

We feverishly await the game that forces us to toast the disc on a hob, feed it to a wild animal or flush it down the loo. Any other games got your goat, and forced you into an unfettered state of rage? Please comment, for good health.

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  • SweetSynaa

    Um, why do you refer to yourself as “we”?
    Cute article though. Jak 2 did suck a lot of butt. Zero’s missions in GTA:SA were horrific aswell. I thought the card game in FF8 was lame, so I never bothered with it though.

  • Matthew

    Wow. I cannot believe you said any of those things about Jak II, the game IGN gave an incredible 9.5. Terrible controls? Are you KIDDING me? Quit gaming, seriously.