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Under Siege! Oh, wait – not that one.

Under Siege! Oh, wait – not that one.

As with many other folks around the world, I got quite excited at the news of a game based on Under Siege coming out. Being able to fill the shoes of Casey Ryback – the deadliest chef in the world – and make sure that, indeed, nobody beats him in the kitchen would be brilliant. Or so I thought.

Turns out it’s an RTS with nothing to do with Steven Seagal. Meaning we can’t automatically love it and everything about it, instead we’ll all have to form our own opinions on it. Which nobody likes doing. Anyway, it made me think of some classic, Oscar-worthy movies that should be made into games. Even if they’ve already been made into games before. GO, LIST, GO:

Subtitled ‘The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down’, it would actually just be a straight up bus simulator, acting as a prelude to the events of the classic Keeeeeeenoo film of the same name.

Speed 2: Cruise Control
As above, only with boats, Sandra Buttock and making absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Taking control of Christophe Lambert, players would live day-to-day life in the prison of the future. Escape would be held back by the fact nobody understands a word Lambert says in his weird, raspy French-ish accent, and it would take roughly 23 hours play before people would actually know what the man was saying. One for the long-term, really.

Using Move (or Kinect on *spit* 360), this Jean Claude Van Damme vehicle would actually just be a roundhouse kick simulator. And it would be brilliant.

You get to be Chuck Norris. It is the best game ever made. Ever.

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