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Six alternative narrators for LittleBigPlanet 2

Six alternative narrators for LittleBigPlanet 2


Stephen Fry is indeed a national treasure, with his velvety owl voice and general British smugness – so we’re glad he’s returned to voice LittleBigPlanet 2. But we like to mix things up at Play – we like different things. So here are our suggestions for alternative narrators for LBP2. It is a fine list.

Brian Blessed: Frankly, it’s stupid that Blessed isn’t already involved – if only to pop up every now and then with a Mortal Kombat 2-style “toasty!” moment. Media Molecule – get on it.

Jason Statham: One of the finest videogames produced by a British company needs the vocal talents of one of the finest British actors working today. Statham could bring the intensity of his Crank performances to his voice work, using words like “****”, “****” and “****”. Beautiful.

Burt Kwouk and Masahashi Fujimoto: Though you may know them as ‘the blokes from Banzai’. Just imagine it. Go on: the tutorial, narrated by these two. It would be absolutely brilliant.

David Attenborough: Possibly the greatest living Brit (hotly contested with Statham, of course) and perennial member of our ‘We Want To Hug’ list. Attenborough would provide incredible gravitas to LBP2 – but we can see one fault. It would become so epic that no other narration of anything, ever, would ever be able to live up to it.

Ron Perlman: Ron – greatest character actor of our times – is probably best suited behind a microphone, just so you don’t have to see his massive face. But if LittleBigPlanet 2 needed any narration about war, impending/past nuclear disaster or general life on a wasteland then Perly would be a wonderful asset to have.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Calling Sackboy a ‘girly-man’. Abandoning narration for a brief period, signing off with ‘I’ll be back’. Stating one of: ‘I let him go’, ‘let off some steam’, ‘stick around’, ‘if it bleeds we can kill it’, ‘because you told me to’, ‘STOP IT!’, ‘I’m a cop you idiot!’, ‘yoooou son of a bitch’, ‘I need your close, your bootz und your moderzykle’ or ‘to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you and to hear the la..men..ta..tions of their women’ (amongst many, many others) would make this better than Attenborough’s narration. Fact.

Suggestions, anyone?

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