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Saints Row 3 Wishlist

Saints Row 3 Wishlist

THQ has seemingly confirmed that Saints Row III is being planned for a release this Autumn which is marvelous news. There are few things we’ve enjoyed more than the ridiculous, insane, logic-free and often rather broken gaming experiences of Stillwater. There are no detail yet on what we can expect from the game exactly, but here are a few things we would enjoy.

Ostrich Hammer – In honour of one of our favourite internet phenomenons turned actual videogame weapons, the ostrich hammer from Red Faction would be a wonderful addition to the series. What would this hammer do? We’re not sure. Without destructible environments it won’t be quite as useful, but you could still bust heads with it we suppose.

Bird Catapult – Throwing birds at your enemies should be a lot of fun. We would imagine that the birds wouldn’t enjoy it so much. They would probably be quite angry about the whole idea. Having said that, if they’re fairly committed to the cause they may just roll with it. We can only hope.

Hooker Revenge – Open world games are often criticised for the ‘sleep with prostitute, kill prostitute reward system’, so why not let these virtual and entirely not-real ladies of the night get some revenge. Why not have a marauding gang of disgruntled sex-workers intimidating the local thugs? Think Rosario Dawson in Sin City basically.

Breast Shotgun – As a counter-point to our tribute to strong womanhood we got thinking about truly ridiculous metaphors for the juvenile nature of male sexuality. A breast shotgun seemed like the most obvious choice. This superb, non-lethal shotgun fires breasts at enemies, incapacitating them, but leaving them with an enormous sense of well-being and oneness with the universe.

User-created obscene gestures – When creating your character in Saints Row 2 you had the opportunity to choose a gesture for your character to use in taunting your enemies. Now with the release of Move why not allow players to create their own taunting gestures? That sure couldn’t prove controversial or upsetting at all.

Money/Karma System – While we’re not always big fans of convoluted systems of measuring good and evil actions in a game we think something along those lines might work in Saints Row. Our suggestion is that as you accumulate wealth you see the difficulty of the game and the challenges that you face getting increasingly more difficult. More money, more problems essentially.

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