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Alternate Endings to… Grand Theft Auto IV

Alternate Endings to… Grand Theft Auto IV

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As Grand Theft Auto IV drew to a close many were left feeling a little down about the whole experience. While it ended with a grandstanding shootout and chase sequence the tone was ultimately one of sadness for everything that had gone before. We thought we might offer you some alternatives to the rather bleak way that game wrapped up.

Wizard Of Oz Ending: It’s revealed that the whole of GTA IV has been a horrible dream Niko was having and that in fact Niko is not a Serbian immigrant at all, but a young girl from Kansas called Nicola who has seen one too many news shows in the last few weeks. She laments the dangers of watching news and how it seems to be encouraging fantasies of committing gross acts of violence. She also wonders if all that time spent in strip clubs and straddled by prostitutes may be telling her something about her sexuality.

Scooby-Doo Ending: Niko chases down Dmitri in the final scene of the game, the shadow of the Statue Of Happiness looming over them. With a gun pointed at his chest by Jacob, Dmitri is forced to his knees and grabbed roughly by the hair by Niko. The Serbian gunman then pulls back his fistful of hair, lifting the mask Dmitri has been wearing to reveal that it was Old Man Jenkins all along. “I would have gotten away with it too, etc, etc,” he exclaims, losing conviction in his words as he begins to see himself as a horrible stereotype who has probably wasted his life. With the culprit caught however Niko and Jacob head of to the amusements of Firefly Island for some candy floss.

European Arthouse Ending: To the background strains of a solo violin and having switched to black and white imagery for no discernible reason, Niko pushes Jimmy Pegorino to the ground and begins to weep openly. “I only wanted what was best,” Niko screams holding a Glock 17 to Pegorino’s temple. “And I loved you Jimmy!” BANG! Pegorino drops dead, the camera panning to the expanding pool of blood on the floor (which is red, even though everything else is greyscale) reaching out towards Niko’s toes. Bellic now falls to his knees, openly in tears and points his gun under his chin. “What have I done to deserve this?” he screams to the heavens and the camera pans away again to look upon the Statue Of Happiness as one more shot is fired off screen. The credits simply read ‘Fin’ and fades to black with no music.

Mortal Kombat Ending: “Finish Him” a disembodied voice growls from somewhere (possibly somewhere in the trees) and Niko’s stare narrows in on Dmitri, a smirk flickering at the corner of his mouth. From a concealed compartment in his sleeve Niko flings out a blade attached to a rope straight into Dmitri’s chest and yanks it back towards him. “Get over here!” he shouts in anger, grabbing him by the throat with his other hand. He then proceeds to stick his hand down his *****, grab hold of his ***** and **** it **** **** *** ***, holding it aloft as a trophy. [Ed. The last moments of this scene were considered too graphic for publication]

Saints Row Ending: “You thought you could get away from me did you Mother ****er?” Niko jibes in a strangely perfect Brooklyn accent. “I ain’t got no more time to mess about with you fool.” Niko proceeds to pull out his walking cane and pumps it, revealing it to actually be a disguised shotgun. Niko fires the gun directly into Pegorino’s face, splattering his head across the floor, while simultaneously the Statue Of Happiness blows up behind them and Jacob rides in driving a very flash sports car with machine guns attached to the roof. They drive off into the sunset smoking some sort of recreational drug and discuss all the wild women they could meet if they went to Vice City for the weekend.




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