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7 Movie Tie-Ins We’re Still Waiting To See

7 Movie Tie-Ins We’re Still Waiting To See

“Ho ho!” they open their reviews/previews/features/online lists, “games based on movies are often poor!” they continue, wittily and as if no one has ever made that point before.

Yes, movie tie-ins are a necessary evil. I don’t know why, I’ve just decided they are. Sometimes – The Chronicles Of Riddick – they’re pretty damn good. Other times not so much. But that doesn’t stop us from wanting seven whole films to be turned into games. Here they are, with extra bonus Reasons Why:

Crank
It’s one of the most obvious points made about anything ever, seeing as Crank might as well be called ‘Video Games: The Movie’. Still, it would be nice to be able to play as Chev Chelios. Infinity Ward developing? Yeah, I could get on board with that. How would it work? No mucking about – straightforward third-person action game, non-linear, open-world, ohgoditwouldbebrilliant…

One of those ‘Beat’ Takeshi Kitano movies like Sonatine, or Violent Cop
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a hyper-violent action game starring cops and Yakuza/other such Mafioso types that manages to bring in elements of incredible bleakness with their over-the-top, stupidly gory gunfights? Yeah, that’d be nice. How would it work? A 25-minute level featuring no less than 340 extremely violent deaths (either cops or Yakuza), followed by a level where you stare at a flower for three hours.

Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
Kids games are, just like movie games, often a big pile of crap. So why not combine one of the best kids(ish) films ever made with the medium of gaming, thus creating one of the finest combinations of anything ever made, ever? Granted, it would probably be better suited to (*spit*) Kinect, but we can still see a Move wagglestick game coming off the back of this licence. How would it work? You would have to emulate Pee Wee Herman’s laugh, repeatedly, for 14 hours. It would be brilliant.

Inception
Think about it – all the dumb people who were genuinely confused by a film that’s as simple as knowing what ‘more than one layer’ means would be falling over themselves to proclaim a game based on Inception as ‘the Citizen Kane of games’. Or the Inception of games, I have no idea. How would it work? Either rhythm action or a light gun shooter, obviously.

Kindergarten Cop
Does this need much explanation? It’s Arnie’s forgotten classic, and a brilliant comedy for the ages. Why it doesn’t have a game based on it I will never know. How would it work? Think Theme Park, or Theme Hospital – a management simulator with a comical edge, where players control Detective John Kimble (he’s a cop, you idiot!) as he attempts to keep unruly children under control. 98%-rated.

Fortress
The Christophe Lambert (you may know him as Raiden from Mortal Kombat (the movie version)) sci-fi classic isn’t too long in the tooth for a gaming adaptation, as far as I’m concerned. We haven’t had many escape simulators, so it’s not an oversubscribed genre, plus the film basically looked like all videogames do now – dank, sterile, sort of futuristic – and the writing was on the same level as most ‘good’ games. How would it work? Exactly the same as Prisoner Of War on PS2, just re-skinned.

The Big Lebowski
Because there aren’t enough nihilistic noir-mysteries out there in the world of gaming. Plus I’m already in character as The Dude, so relating to the protagonist wouldn’t be too much of a stretch. How would it work? Bowling.




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