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5 Games We Don’t Want A ‘Nude Patch’ For

5 Games We Don’t Want A ‘Nude Patch’ For

Nude patches; thankfully something that as highly protected console gamers we don’t need to worry about on PlayStation formats. Not so on PC which has recently been hit with a Fallout: New Vegas nude patch. Heavens above! Won’t somebody please think of the children etc, etc.

Anyway, here are some we definitely don’t want to see a nude patch for if we could even have them on PS3, which we can’t. You see, this is an entirely useful and important blog this morning.

Madden NFL 11 – Hmm. It would be interesting to see if EA had implemented some kind of real time bruising and injury system that we can’t even see beneath those hulking uniforms, however we would rather not find out all things considered. That would be rather a lot of naked man flesh beating into each other. Mercy.

Vanquish – One question. If Sam isn’t wearing the ARS suit where do all those rocket jets come from? Give that some thought for a moment. Woah! Actually don’t. Let’s immediately drop that suggestion right now. We don’t need to know what Sam gets up to in the comfort of his own home behind closed doors.

Killzone 2 – We’ve often been curious as to what exactly is going on beneath those Helghast helmets, but we’ve never been curious enough to want to rip them off their bodies along with the rest of their uniform. Some things are best left up to the imagination. It’s just more erotic that way.

LittleBigPlanet – No! Don’t make Sackboy/girl turn cheap tricks by stripping for the masses. That way madness lies. It was uncomfortable enough when someone imagined cutting our hero open and showing us his insides. Let’s leave the wee man a little dignity please. Some things should be sacred surely.

Gran Turismo 5 – From ‘Car Porn’ to actual car porn, a nude patch for the upcoming GT5 would be pure filth. All those exposed cam shafts and fuel injection units. That sort of thing shouldn’t be on a family console. That’s degenerate material fit only for the top shelf of grotty news agents. Not fit for civil consumption.

In Summary: Nude Patches… sad and pathetic.




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  • Conor

    I laughed at the last one. Brilliant xD.

  • Gpulos

    I think a GT5 car with a see-through or glass exterior would be pretty cool looking if done right