Humour us, Sony lovers. Remember a few years ago when Mario Kart came out on the DS and everyone fell in love with it? After all, how could you not: it was a perfectly refined racing experience that felt all snug and comfy to play on the big, hideous and bulky grey thing. Hence, part of the reason it proved so popular. But then Nintendo went and redesigned the handheld, giving the world the DS Lite – a sexy little bitch if there ever was one. Everyone who loved Mario Kart, like we did, immediately slammed the game cartridge into their shiny new DS Lite to take it for a spin, and… it kinda hurt. As in, it actually hurt.

Playing WipEout Pulse on a Slim & Lite is a similar experience – at least for those of us considerably more well endowed than others. We’re talking hands here, filth head – and so it was with its predecessor, Pure. While that isn’t the fault of either game, more the fingers and hands some of us were blessed with, it’s worth mentioning to some people. If you own the original PSP, be safe in the knowledge your experience with WipEout Pulse may prove an entirely pain-free endeavour. However, those of us with shiny Slim & Lites should be wary indeed. Especially as, away from such things, Pulse proves absolutely great. Putting WipEout on PSP was an excellent move for Sony; we are dealing not only with one of its best, most-beloved franchises, but a great technical showcase for what the PSP was, and still is, capable of.

Pure really won the franchise back some much-needed acclaim, what with WipEout Fusion on the PS2 arguably polluting established gameplay by having a complete kitchen-sink design mentality. By scaling the formula back to its most basic, you could say the name ‘Pure’ was entirely apt. Well, Pulse remains about as pure as its predecessor in terms of refusing to step outside the box too much, but having enough new features to justify being a sequel. Just know that for most of the time, Pulse is entirely about one thing: going really, really, really fast, while sometimes shooting at other racers and then going really, really, really fast again – all while Aphex Twin, Ed Rush, Kraftwerk and others blast some pretty eclectic music at you (or ‘eclect-o’ as we’ve hereby chosen to christen it). There’s more to it than just that, of course. Chiefly, 12 all-new and mostly absurd tracks, a photo mode that stores hi-res PSP-size images, the ability to make your own soundtrack from songs on your Memory Stick, all-new speed laps, its direct connection to the official website and more. In fact, a much better title for it would have been ‘WipEout Big Package’. From a game-wise point of view, filth head.

And like Pure, whether you’re using the D-pad or analogue stick (in direct conjunction with the air brakes, naturally), the controls just work. The PSP may be rubbish when it comes to most FPSs, but as far as racers go, this, WipEout Pure, Sega Rally and both Ridge Racers prove that racing games are well suited to the platform. And much like the aforementioned, Pulse is stonkingly gorgeous. We’re all going to have our favourite tracks in terms of design, but when it comes to aesthetics, we really are spoiled for choice. Pulse is beautiful and it runs at a consistent and fast pace, despite everything you’re seeing. That’s just the normal tracks, too – wait until you see the Zone mode alternatives (imagine every track in the game, but in Tron-like design and colour). It all looks ridiculously good.

So far, so WipEout Pure, but with a few extra bells and whistles thrown at it so that it won’t suffer the ire of franchise-long fans. So it should score in the 90s, just like Pure, right? Well, no… because Pulse, first and foremost, is just more of the same thing. We’re not saying racing games need to be different with each iteration, or that they always need to bring new and interesting features to the table. But this is WipEout we’re talking about, a franchise that had to regress in order to move forward. As such, Pulse represents a game that is pretty much doing exactly the same thing as the pre-Fusion WipEout games – there’s barely any new territory. And it’s also extremely annoying that you can’t change camera perspective on the fly, instead having to hit the game options tab in the start menu. Given the visceral, high-speed nature of the game, simply tapping Triangle when racing to assume cockpit view or revert back to it would have been better than its current stopstart nature.

But this is WipEout… more importantly, this is the WipEout of old. And in some bizarre twist, it stands out by feeling even closer to the pre-Fusion games than Pure did, even with the new features. A good number of franchise fans will dig that, but everybody else should prepare to spend some time with one fast, gorgeous and sexy endeavour. Just have some tissues ready… for those nosebleeds, filth head.

Craig Gilmore