Gangsters are cool. Hip-Hop told us that. Martin Scorcese was quick to remind us that they’re always snappily dressed, but not before Guy Ritchie chimed in with the fact that they’re also quick-witted, literate and surprisingly funny, in a goofy kind of way. If life ain’t nothin’ but bitches and money, and Ice Cube is adamant that it is, then gangster living seems like an excellent choice – after all, if movies and rap songs teach us nothing else, it’s that gangsters get plenty of both. Not to mention Armani suits, elaborate cocktails and henchmen who say everything twice and die easily.

We are, of course, kidding. It was all a ruse, a clever little flight of fancy to illustrate just how much we don’t believe in the myths presented by movies. Gangsters aren’t handsome, immaculately tailored raconteurs, they’re middle-aged fat guys with buzz-cuts and bomber jackets, drinking Stella and beating their wives. They stab people with ice-picks for ponies and monkeys then run off to live in godawful Spanish beach resorts. Just look at Phil Collins in Buster.

Of course, not everyone can boast the tremendous intellect of the Play team, and due to the glossy veneer presented by cultural treasures like Goodfellas, Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels, and Mark Morrison’s seminal Return Of The Mack, many people genuinely believe that career criminals are cool, sexy and charming. And if all of this is true, then Gangs Of London is the coolest, sexiest and most charming game in history, because it’s gangster to the very core – every time you think that Gangs Of London is about to do something brilliant, the façade slips to reveal the corruption and inadequacy beneath.

Story Mode gives you a choice of six gangs to take control of, from Russians and Triads to old and new school London crims. Each gang is given a rating in a number of disciplines vital to efficient thuggery – accuracy, speed, toughness, etc – and, on the face of it, Gangs Of London seems to be presenting you with a triple threat of choice, subtlety and replay value. It is symptomatic of the game as a whole that whichever gang you choose, the missions remain basically the same. If the intention was to provide depth through subtleties in the individual gang’s skill levels then this also falls short. Either the differences are too slight to notice or the poorly weighted aiming makes it a moot point.

Each level is set up by a sequence of comic-book style pictures, narrated by a gravelly cockney voice. "In a pimp’s den," he barks, "somewhere in Laandon." The general presentation is slick, and the comic artwork is surprisingly evocative of the London underworld. The subject matter is also commendable, constantly veering on the side of contemporary relevance with levels devoted to thorny issues like illegal immigration and sex trafficking. However, despite all the good achieved in the introductions the veil slips once more. The comparatively lengthy exposition is cancelled out by a perfunctory post level image or kiss off line, stopping any over-arching story from developing and making the missions seem even more disparate and fractured. Gangs Of London occasionally slips into bad taste, too; one level which had us trying to lose the police while driving a van-load of illegal immigrants stands out as particularly ill-judged. Opening the rear doors after a hectic chase, your goon is confronted by a pile of sweaty, emaciated bodies crushed on top of each other in the darkness. Confronted with this mass of humanity, he snorts: "Typical! I’ve been making all this effort and you’ve been having a gangbang." It’s more than a little crass, and even the most undemanding of gamers will feel that the subject matter demands more respectful treatment.

Combat is a hit-and-miss affair. The enemies move as if on rails, the camera has issues whenever things get a little tight and there is the occasional bug – we drove halfway round London with a triad stuck to the bonnet – but the volume of enemies and a rudimentary but satisfying squad command system still keeps it moderately engaging. The driving is very well handled, helped immeasurably by the excellently rendered London environment. There are a few too many long straight roads and every mission seems to involve the same green Volvo estate, but most of the fun was found behind the wheel. This is lucky as 90 per cent of the missions take the classic shoot/drive format. There is an abundance of extra material here, including an indecent number of mini-games (see Boxout) and a multi-player function rendered all but useless by its stubborn aversion to Wi-fi . Once again this is representative of the flawed ambition evident in Gangs Of London, a game that does very little wrong but nothing particularly right. Sharply dressed and superficially impressive it may be, but it’s all too easy to spot the dirt under its fingernails. Like many PSP games, this feels like a console title without the power to back it up. Perhaps on PlayStation 2 this could have been something bigger, something different, something like The Getaway… on second thoughts, this’ll do nicely for now.

Matthew Handrahan