The world can sometimes be a very cruel place. Chances are anyone reading this preview will have already gorged themselves at the fountain of urban misdemeanours that is GTA IV, either in real life or by skipping a few pages. Don’t worry, it’s not taken personally – you’re busy people, after all. Rest assured that the overall feeling of this preview can be explained by a swift ‘meh’ and the noise made when just enough effort is made to expel air from the lungs. Anyone interested in creating the world’s least convincing transvestite can therefore read on, while the rest get back to Liberty City with only a moment’s distraction.

The story so far (in more than one sense) sees you return to Stilwater, the corrupt and occasionally disappearing home of the original title. Fifteen years have passed since you helped the 3rd Street Saints claim what was rightfully theirs, however, so the place has seen something of a face-lift. Existing boroughs have been given a Turtle Wax coating, while fresh areas have sprung up on the outskirts thanks to a mysterious regeneration project headed by some faceless evil corporation. Isn’t the establishment terrible? Anyway, three rival gangs now fi ght over the available turf – and here’s where you’ll step in, chugging Alka-Seltzer to quell the pain of being knocked out.

Like last time out, that ‘you’ needn’t be the pallid, waif-like self it is in real life. Once again, customisation stretches far beyond branded hats and watches. For the fi rst time, you’ll be able to play as a woman, moulded down to a level of detail that demands six variables covering cheekbones alone. Yeah, six. Of course, the only sensible option is to seek revenge in this dark and foreboding world as Danni, the six-foot-four, purple-haired, tattooed cross-dresser. Well, saving the hood shouldn’t stop you from looking good, should it?

In fairness, beyond repetitive missions and the odd bug or two there was a lot to like about the original Saints Row. Its small amendments to the urban crime formula (instant mission restarts, waypoint setting, basic online multiplayer) gave gamers waiting to see how urban environments might be realised in this generation, a snack to temporarily quell their hunger. Of course, now that the king is back, sporting most of Saints Row’s trump cards and a few more besides, Volition needed a fresh angle to avoid claims of out-and-out plagiarism. That, dear readers, is covered by one simple word: ‘fun’.

While GTA sullies itself in a grittier life of crime, Saints Row 2 will concentrate on tongue-in-cheek mayhem. You can throw pedestrians through the air, as if they were wearing capes, simply through the power of your two arms. Keeping innocents slightly closer will allow you to create a human shield, which you can then hide behind until such time as the cops decide that Jimmy stole all the donuts from the lunch room anyway, and so it’d be better to just shoot through him. On the weapons front, explosive satchels will be added to your armoury, and can be used in many different situations. Making car bombs to then drive down the street and leap out of at the last opportunity, for instance. Lobbing on to a cosmopolitan street café table and having its diners not notice what’s going on until it’s too late, maybe. Perhaps just attaching them to passers-by at random fl oats your boat? Whatever your method, there’s a killing to be made. All this will no doubt deliver many brainless thrills, but we just can’t help feeling that not stealing a march on Rockstar’s epic GTA IV will deal Saints Row 2 a telling blow.