Review – Asphalt Injection
We’ve thought of diplomatic ways to word ‘Ubisoft is shoving a big box of crapola PS Vita’s way’. Really, we have. Do we weave references to the brilliance of Lumines Electric Symphony and Rayman Origins into this review? Do we desperately search for any strands of hope lost among the misery of Asphalt Injection? We failed. And we spent at least three whole minutes thinking of ways to make it work. In fairness, that’s at least two more minutes than it will take for you to regret buying this.
For those who haven’t been keeping up, Asphalt is a gaming series born and bred on iOS. If you have an iPad, iPhone or Android, you can buy some variation of Asphalt for about the same price as a Snickers bar. You get what you pay for – a fairly redundant racer with serviceable graphics that keeps you entertained for long enough that you can to see the whooshy special effects when you activate your Adrenaline bar (turbo bar with fancy name). The handling is twitchy, the art style is uninspired and it sounds like the car engines are powered by a horde of angry bees.
Now on smartphone, that’s sort of okay, because you just want something to pass the time while waiting your turn in the post office or whatever. Your phone’s primary purpose is for
sending embarrassing texts when you’re drunk communication, not playing games. But on Vita? Oh dear.
Asphalt Injection has just about ticked the boxes for what we presume is the bare minimum for a PS Vita game. It’s a hideous beast of a thing that doesn’t belong on the same portable as the slick beauty of Wipeout 2048, angular cereal boxes with wheels doing their best car impersonation as they twitch and tumble their way through the blandest, dullest tracks we’ve ever seen.
It’s just so very, very dull. Turbo blurs the screen slightly and makes the colours uglier. The shortcuts are so timid and unexciting you’re not even sure if they’re shortcuts or poor flagged alternative routes you’ve accidentally stumbled upon. Even when it awards bonuses, Asphalt Injection can’t even stir itself into any kind of life. ‘Crazy Driving’ it politely points out in a reserved font. The handling is still twitchy, the art style is still uninspired and the angry bees just sound louder.
It’s horrible, really, and the sort of game that makes you question your purchase of a PS Vita rather than validating it. Fortunately, Wipeout 2048 exists, so there’s no reason at all to get this to satisfy your urge for handheld racing.