Metal Gear Solid HD Collection Trophies!

Listen: no-one plays games for fun anymore. That’s finished. Now, people only play videogames for Trophies, that’s all. Even titles that are as fundamentally brilliant as Metal Gear Solid 2 and 3. Don’t believe us? Scour internet message boards for something along the lines of ‘MGS 4 – No Trophies? FailZor!’ and you’ll see what we mean.

Fortunately, the MGS HD Collection does have Trophies, and Play magazine is proud to reveal* them right here, right now.

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty

Platinum: Explain, in 10,000 words or less, what’s going on here.

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

Bronze: Struggle with controls

Bronze: Be absolutely convinced that the opening mission is in fact a VR training exercise

Silver: Climb that ladder

Silver: Make it through the whole game without questioning why an apparent Russian Major has the accent and demeanour of a 15-year old American high school jock.

Silver: Discover the zombies minigame. This one’s real, incidentally.

Silver: Change the PS3′s internal clock to beat The End without fighting him, you communist.

Gold: Don’t cry during the final boss battle/cutscene. (NB early playtests have suggested that this Trophy may be broken, as no single person has so far managed to unlock it).

Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker

Bronze: Struggle with controls

Bronze: Try not to laugh when using the Fulton system

Silver: Try not to feel a bit wrong when going on a date with what appears to be a suspiciously young girl.

Gold: Awarded for actually having played Peace Walker first time around, LIKE A REAL PERSON.

*Of course these aren’t real. Calm down.