BREAKING: Mass Effect 4 ‘Launch Strategy’ Leaked, Says Nonsense Report
MEGATON: With Mass Effect 3 hurtling towards launch at a rate of 5 DLC announcements per second, rumours have begun to surface that EA has an even more radical plan in place for the launch of Mass Effect 4, codenamed ‘EffectVille’. BOOM!
BOOM: The plan is revolutionary, in that millions of game boxes will be made with no actual game inside. Only five golden discs will be produced for the whole run: potential players will have to buy multiple copies to try and find one. The winner will get a fun-filled day out at EA Guildford, where reclusive, vaguely sinister company head Julius H. Poppycock will show them around and then let them play the game for a bit, singing propagandist DLC songs in the process.
CASHBACK: Analyst Jon Q. QuoteAlot was quick to jump all over the rumour, which would have seemed totally unbelieveable as little as three hours ago before we made it up in response to yet more DLC-related nonsense.
THE KLAXONS: “It’s simply the next logical step” QuoteAlot stated. “You’ve got 12-year old forum members acting like CFOs of major corporations who would do anything, endorse anything for companies that don’t care they exist. It’s great!”
IN CONCLUSION: This is Play, last surviving members of when videogames weren’t just gouging opportunities, signing off.