An Open Letter To Bioware Regarding Mass Effect 3′s Endings

Dear Bioware,

The internet has spoken. According to a large number of children, the allegedly poor ending(s) featured in Mass Effect 3 prove you do not know what to do with your own franchise anymore, like a mother who raises a child perfectly for a number of years and then puts it in a microwave. It’s that serious.

The protestors’ demands include changing the ending or releasing a new one as DLC. You have twelve hours or absolutely nothing will happen. Obviously this is serious. How dare you spend years creating something so perverse? Does you like wilfully hurting your audience? Looks that way.

We advise you take a leaf out of the Wachowski’s book on this one.  A similar backlash to The Matrix trilogy prompted the pair to write a new ending for inclusion in PS2 title The Matrix: Path Of Neo.

Fans rejoiced. A big hoo-ha was made as press and public speculated that they’d get a ‘real’ ending instead of the peace-process mumbo jumbo that infamous cinematic face-slap Revloutions featured. Instead, they got this.

Which has to be the greatest screw you in the history of videogames. The game was in part marketed on the back of this new ending, and what it actually delivered was and is still the greatest ending in history: two millionaires telling people to do one and laughing in their faces while they do it.

Oh, you need a name? How about ‘Entitlement’?

You know what to do.

Love,

Play.