Top 8 hammers in video games
Hammers: nature’s great creator/destructors. Without them we wouldn’t have nails firmly in place, nor would we have any way of getting nails out of their firm place. Put simply, hammers are the glue that hold society together. Here are eight of the best in video games.
Pow Hammer, Soul Calibur
What better way to arm your massive, hulking bloke of a bloke (named after the prince of Hell) than with a huge comedy hammer that squeaks when it his opponents? Nothing, that’s what. Astaroth mixes his armoury between huge axes, huge hammers and huge other things, but we know what we prefer.
Condottierro War Hammer, Assassin’s Creed 2
Stealth is for pansies, and sneaking up on your opponent is the behaviour of an abject coward. Who probably smells bad. No, the true measure of a man is if he’d be willing to assassinate persons of importance in Renaissance Italy using a massive hammer. That’s what we call manly.
Wooden Hammer, Mini Ninjas
Wielded by the loveable (mini) giant Futo, the wooden hammer proves incredibly useful through the Mini Ninjas’ adventure. Who else can leap up and bop a giant enemy on the head, stunning or killing them? Obviously Tora is the coolest, as he thinks he’s a tiger, but Futo makes up for it by being damn useful with his hammer.
Repair Hammer, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Just think how many times you use these through the hundred-plus hours you put into Oblivion. Just think. Then realise of all the magic, of all the potions, spells, bows, arrows, thievery, deception, murder, horse riding, swordplay, weird faces, identical voices, vampirism, Patrick Stewart and general awesomeness, if it wasn’t for repair hammers, a lot of us wouldn’t have made much progress in the game. N.B. Not pictured: repair hammer.
Mjolnir, Marvel Ultimate Alliance
Thor’s favoured bashing implement, as crafted under the guidance of Odin from the Asgardian metal Uru. Apparently. You think your hammer from Wilko’s is useful? Well you’re wrong. You’re wrong and you’re probably an idiot. Mjolnir can control the elements, open interdimensional portals and could – at one point – be used for time travel. That’s a smidge better than your 99p nail-bashing bargain.
Standard Hammer, GTA: Vice City
Whereas most people seemed over the moon that Vice City added bikes, the more perceptive among us were actually happy about the true revelation – the addition of hammers. Sure, the $20 price tag was steep, but just steal one off a builder and you’re sorted (this does mean killing a builder). Then feel free to slowly bash a parked car to death with your tiny, standard hammer-based assault.
Thunder Hammer, Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
Technically we haven’t actually seen if this weapon is in the game or not, but 1) it’s a reasonable assumption to make, and 2) it’s a really badass weapon, so we’re going to include it regardless. See, normal hammers – like the one in GTA – fail in one simple regard: they don’t have their own power field generators. Granted, Mjolnir is better on paper, but thunder hammers are more likely to exist in real life at some point. We think. Maybe.
Ostrich Hammer, Red Faction: Guerrilla
Of course, the greatest videogame hammer of all time – OF ALL TIME – goes to Volition’s masterwork incorporated into 2009’s Red Faction reboot. Sure, the mega-powered standard hammers are all well and good, allowing you to knock down any and all buildings in your way, but put in the effort online and you are rewarded. You are rewarded well. You are rewarded, simply, with the Ostrich Hammer. And life is good.