Top 5 Games You’ve Never Played But Claim To Like
Five games you all claim to love and have played a million times… but… you haven’t. And I know you haven’t. So stop lying – it doesn’t make you cool.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of – we’ve all done it. I mean, I am judging you, but there’s no need to hide your face. There are just some games with cult – or even legendary – status that we all have a good natter about online. But the fact of the matter is, you haven’t played them. Don’t lie – I can see right through it. You haven’t. If you say you have, you’re lying. So don’t even bother commenting to say you have, because that’s just an admission of guilt. LIAR.
Beyond Good & Evil
One of the best Zelda clones out there (because, fundamentally, that’s all it is), BG&E sold bugger all when it came out first time around. Online word-of-mouth is a powerful thing, though, and it seems it’s powerful enough to convince a lot of people they need to lie about having played it, lest they no longer fit in.
What you will say about it: “I feel that Jade’s character is one of the few truly positive representations of women in video games. I do wish more would follow this sort of path.”
What you can do to rectify the situation: It’s out, right now, in HD glory, on PSN. For just a few quid, too. Go, buy, spend about ten hours of your life finishing it. Repent. Sorted.
Ico/Shadow Of The Colossus
These two get put in as a single entry, because you’re just as likely to have not played one as the other. Often touted as two of the most unique, interesting and damn good games ever released on PS2, it’s no surprise a load of you feel the need to claim you fit in by having played them.
What you will say about it: “It’s a magical world – it’s so serene, yet filled with a sense of self-doubt and impending dread that you can’t quite place.”
What you can do to rectify the situation: The chance to redeem yourselves is upcoming later this year, when the HD re-release of both titles shows its head. Don’t let us down this time.
An imaginative and clever take on a usually formulaic genre, Psychonauts is an obvious choice for people to say they’ve played it. When they haven’t. Why would you? I mean, you get the general idea of it, remember a couple of the gags from the cutscenes and you’ve got enough to blag the rest of your knowledge. Easy.
What you will say about it: “While the platforming wasn’t that huge a leap for the genre, the setting and Tim Schafer’s sense of humour really gives it a sense of character like no other game.”
What you can do to rectify the situation: If you own a 360 (*spit*) you can download this through the Xbox Classics range. If you’re on PS3, though, you’re either relying on owning a backwards-compatible model or getting your PS2 down from the attic.
Call Of Duty multiplayer
It’s the most popular online game on console, and the series itself is the biggest-selling ever. So why do you have to lie about why you don’t play it online? Why not just admit that you haven’t even bothered trying it? It’s not a sin to simply avoid something.
What you will say about it: “It’s just dominated by 13-year-old American kids – I mean, where’s the fun in that? I’m still hopelessly addicted though!”
What you can do to rectify the situation: If you both have a pulse and a console it’s likely you have a version of COD sitting around somewhere. Break it out, play it online, realise it’s actually quite good fun. Problem solved.
We all want to be involved when people are talking about one of the most intelligent and liberating games ever made, so it’s no surprise you lie through your teeth, pretending you did indeed make it all the way to the top of the Statue Of Liberty without alerting a single guard or killing anyone. But we all know you didn’t, you liar.
What you will say about it: “The freedom you have in approaching any given situation is immense. And – hah! – did you go into the ladies bathroom?”
What you can do to rectify the situation: Again, you’re going to have to go BC or old PS2 route if you’re in PlayStationVille and want to play. If you have a PC capable of playing an 11-year-old game though (you do), you can pick it up for a matter of pounds on the likes of Steam. Problem: it is solved.