Top 5 Games You’re Wrong About
There are a lot of opinions in the world, flying in from all angles, eyeing you up before swooping in and ruining the day. “This is good!” they squawk, before another one whooshes by and bellows “no it is not good!”
It’s the circle of life, pretty much.
But not all opinions are right. In fact, if they’re not the opinions expressed on this blog or in our magazine, they’re likely to be entirely wrong. There are some games, for example, that lots of people think are good. Or bad. Or middling. Here’s the five games you lot are most wrong about:
Saints Row 2
The amount of boo-hooing that went flying about on the release of this game was pretty much monumental, and the continuing indifference by all of you silly people actually, literally sickens us. See, Saints Row 2 is – contrary to popularly-accepted ‘opinion’ – absolutely brilliant. You say “it’s just a bad GTA clone” because that’s what you’ve been conditioned to say. We say “shut up and play it, then come back to us after you’ve sprayed shit all over a housing estate and it’s made you double over with laughter more times than you can count.” Then realise your terrible mistake.
God Of War III/Dante’s Inferno/any post-Bayonetta release along these lines
If we lived in a world where Bayonetta didn’t exist, your opinions would still probably be valid. That is to say that we would be telling you what your opinions would be, but they would be similar to the ones you poor fools hold right now. See, Bayonetta came about and ruined games of its type for everyone. God Of War III became forgettable, Dante’s Inferno a write-off and all the rest were lost into a mish-mash of memory loss and apathy. Yet people still maintain GOWIII is one of PS3’s best games. You poor, poor fools.
The future of gaming this most certainly is not, though you’d be forgiven for thinking it is, what with all the hype shooting out of the ground like a particularly angry, hyperactive geyser. Well, you’d be forgiven by other, lesser mortals. We don’t forgive, we don’t forget and we certainly never show any remorse, especially when your deluded opinions get in the way of reasoned, reasonable criticism. L.A. Noire was an event, no doubt, but the future of gaming? Absolutely not.
“Oh, but it’s rubbish and it’s like a boring sandbox game and who cares and the superpowers are rubbish and and and…” – If you’ve ever heard inFamous-based nonsense spouted from the gobchute of a local moron, it’s likely sounded like this. But you know what? Yeah, you guessed it – they’re wrong. Wronger than that weekend you had in Bristol with your second cousin and access to your grandma’s medicine cabinet. So wrong it hurts our tiny (massive) minds. inFamous is great.
You know what? You’re not even just wrong about this one – you’re demonstrably wrong. Seen the new Direct X 11 features for Crysis 2 on PC? Yep, that’s what it should have looked like from the beginning. You all ran to the tallest shed in your village to proclaim from its heady two metre height that it was the best-looking game you’d ever played. How foolish do you feel now? Regardless of how foolish you actually feel, the correct answer to that question is : ‘very’.
While there is a comments section below and on our Facebook page, we would prefer it if you didn’t continue to air your stinky, wrong opinions and instead focused on learning the correct way to think: our way.