Top 10 modestly covered boobs in games
I like a challenge, so I decided to compile a top 10 list of ladies in games who don’t insist on jiggling their funbags in your face, even if they do have really nice ones. They’re a rare and valued breed in games, even if much of the fan art / hentai / modding crowd doesn’t seem to appreciate that one bit…
A wool lined jacket over a hoody is certainly a practical outfit for a woman trying to save the world from alien occupation, but Alyx misses out on a higher placing in this list by not zipping up properly and showing rather more collar bone than is necessary. Perhaps she actually does want to start repopulating the planet with Gordon, even if she is a little shy about admitting it.
By the way, that Half-Life 2 mod that gives Alyx big boobs and a tight top makes me wonder if mankind is even worth saving.
Red Dead Redemption
A tough, independent woman in a man’s world, Bonnie realises that flashing a bit of bon bon might get men to do as she says in the short term, she needs to cover up if she wants to run her ranch with real authority. The massive rifle also helps.
If further proof were needed that Ryo Hazuki is a massive weirdo, he’s an 18-year old male who dreams about pretty young girls with lots of clothes on. That’s even weirder than when my EyePet had a dream about me with no clothes on. I… don’t want to talk about that right now.
King Of Fighters
We honestly didn’t think we’d find a single beat-‘em-up character suitable for this list, but then we remembered King who, sort of, dresses like a man. We’re not sure quite who’d be fooled into thinking King was a man by this particular disguise – she’s still very woman shaped – but still, she’s managed to buck a trend. Perhaps she should grow a beard.
One thing I’ve learned from compiling this list is that female game characters who dress modestly do appear to be dramatically increasing their chances of premature death. Maybe game designers realise it’s in poor taste to tart up dead girls, or maybe they just can’t bring themselves to kill off the ones in boob tubes. Either way, as soon as we saw Evelyn’s smart, businesslike appearance, we were deeply worried for her safety.
Men tend to have a bit of a thing for women in uniform, especially medical uniform, so it must’ve been tough for Bethesda to avoid sexing up Doctor Li or any of her staff. She’s much like a real doctor really… stern, efficient, terrible handwriting, very cold hands.
Shadow Of The Colossus
More evidence pointing to the unwritten game design rule that a lady game character cannot be dead and slutty. Dead slutty is fair game, but not dead and slutty. So yeah, dead girls don’t say, “Hello boys!”
God knows how many Nintendo games
She might be a sickenly feeble, pink-clad fairytale stereotype of femininity, but at least peach doesn’t flaunt her melons. Not officially anyway. Very different rules apply in the world of fan art.
Now, Elena might wear tight vest tops when working in tropical climes, which is only practical and comfortable under the circumstances, but when she heads for Tibet she packs a roll neck and a well insulated jacket. And being the classy lady she is, she manages to pull the whole ensemble off without looking like some kind of fashion-illiterate Eskimo. She sorta looks warm and hot at the same time, if you see what I mean.
Now, we all now know that Samus is wearing something blue and figure-hugging under there, but she does keep the Varia Suit on almost all of the time and so cannot be accused of flaunting her assets willy-nilly. Sure, the suit’s chestplate protudes quite a long way, but then so do the chestplates on a lot of male body armours and ‘male’ mechanoids. To be honest, I’m more concerned about the protruding crotchplate. Maybe it’s just extra thick armour…