Top 10 man-boobs in games
What follows is a shallow, callous and crude objectification of the male form. I’m offended by it myself and I’m the one who wrote it. What about those of us that don’t have boobs?
This guy is famous for owning one the earliest in-game penises, but let’s not forget his giant, floppy man-boobs. They jiggle about when he dances. The ladies love it.
Enslaved: Odyssey To The West
This obese, jovial pervert is the kind of guy who’s always looking at other people’s boobs, which is ironic given how huge his own are. He’s basically Fat Bastard from Austin Powers but not Scottish.
Chuck & Frank
Frank probably has the bigger boobs, but Chuck enjoys a wider range of outfits with which to accentuate his. This dress is particularly hot. I just don’t know whether to look down his top or up his bottom… I mean skirt.
WWE Smackdown! Here Comes The Pain
Now that he’s switched to UFC, Lesnar’s muscles aren’t just for show – he really needs to gear them towards hurting people very badly these days – but back in his WWE days his boobs were like tectonic plates.
It has to be said, these boobs look very firm and muscular by sumo standards. Just goes to show, this guy’s training regime might mostly revolve around eating, but he’s still a serious athlete.
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
As if Drake wasn’t charming and charismatic enough as it is, in Uncharted 2’s multiplayer you can give him massive boobs and call him Donut Drake. I don’t know what I like best – donuts or massive boobs? Please don’t make me choose.
Here’s the second beat-‘em-up character in this boob list – as usual, it’s a genre well represented – but he’s the first whose boobs wibble about when he moves. And he won’t be the last in that respect either.
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Many gamers were sorely disappointed that despite the shrieking, mainstream media’s claims that the Hot Coffee mod exposed players of GTA: San Andreas to hardcore, pornographic sex, you didn’t even get to see any boobs. Between you and me, there is another way… just get Carl to eat about 20 Meat Stacks in a row then take his shirt off. Hey presto! Boobs!
Street Fighter series
I saw long hair… I saw a skirt… I saw really big boobs. How was I supposed to know Honda was a dude? I guess the fact that it looks like his balls are hanging out when he gets KOed might have been a clue.
Street Fighter IV
Do you think the recent trend towards male beat-‘em-up characters with huge, wobbly boobs is Japanese developers’ idea of gender equality? I do.
Guitar Hero series
And this week’s bonus boob is… Lars Ümlaut from Guitar Hero’s right boob. Well done Lars – nice boob.