Six Games To Save PlayStation Move
There aren’t very many new Move-compatible games coming out. So let’s come up with six examples of what could revive a flagging peripheral. GO.
Doing the usual Monday morning internet-reading to catch up on what has and hasn’t happened in the world of gaming, I stumbled ‘pon this little nugget from IGN.
It got me thinking about a few things – do you care? Does it matter? Is Sony even pushing Move that much anymore? As well as some other deep, intelligent considerations that need to be mulled over in great detail.
But then I thought ‘I need to do a blog’, so instead of deep consideration I’m going to write a facetious list about games/types of games Sony could introduce to make Move matter again. GO:
International Hedge Trimming 2012
In the vein of The Simpsons, where Bart and Lisa complain about having to do garden-based chores before shitting a brick (of joy) when they see the ‘Gardening Simulator’ virtual reality game at a funfair, IHT2012 would recreate the simple act of trimming hedge. More points are awarded for trimming it in the shape of a dinosaur, or something, and you get bonus multipliers for every ‘bush’ joke made. It will sell 35 million copies.
MegaWaggle 9000 Special
A spiritual successor to the original* wacky mini-game videogame, Bishi Bashi Special, MegaWaggle would be a perfect match for the waggling capabilities of Sony’s own wagglestick. It would be a laugh-riot and a waggle-frenzy, and would give us all the chance to bellow “WINNAAAAAAH!” every two minutes. We miss bellowing that. (*N.B. may not be the original, I have no idea)
Something with lightsabers
Why hasn’t this happened yet? It makes so much sense it hurts our tiny (tiny) minds. Just quickly shat out a game where we make ‘vvvvv’ waving motions and quote the greatest man who ever lived, Gary “Darth” Vader. We’ll even pay money for it. Well, about £2.99.
A crapton of RTS titles
As above, why this just hasn’t happened is beyond us. Ignore the stupid wagglestick controls offered by so many others and instead offer the ability to use Move as a glorified mouse. Bam. Done. New Command & Conquer, please.
Paint-o The Painting Painter Baboon
A new mascot for the PS3 generation, Paint-o was doused in radioactive watercolours at a young age. Since then he’s painted in order to combat a crippling addiction to subscription-based dating websites. He’s a complex character, is Paint-o. Oh, and in the game you’d use Move to paint things. Makes sense.
A new Everybody’s Golf with trophy support
I love the fact that EG: World Tour has been updated for Move support, but I don’t like the fact it doesn’t have trophies. I don’t need trophies to survive, but it’s a game I’ve put a lot of time into so I can’t help but feel I might have earned a platinum on it by now. My only platinum. The only platinum I have is a fake one I’ve just made up… sigh.
WASN’T THAT FUN!