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Devil May Cry (Series)
Capcom, PS2, PS3, (2001-2008)
Dante, you really ought to be ashamed of yourself
C’mon. Dante’s a bit of a
donkey, isn’t he? Yeah, yeah.
Before you start boffiing
on about how he revolutionised
character design, and how we’d
never have had characters like
God Of War’s Kratos, God Hand’s
Gene and Heavenly Sword’s Nariko
(although we could have lived
without that silly bint’s endless
whining), remember the fact that
he’s a bona fide dick. Some people
seem to idolise him, citing his
witicisms as being unique within
the realm of videogames. Yeah,
sure they’re unique, unique and
stupid. And that bloody Nero’s
not that bad. Exhibit A, “I should
have been the one to fill your dark
soul with light!” Knobber. Second
up is the infamous, “Flock off,
featherface.” Christ on a bike,
where does he get this crap from?
Finally, in the case for Dante’s
mouth being forever sewn up, “You
may look like my mother, but you’ll
never have her fire! You have no
soul.” Gosh. Really, stop it.
With a main protagonist who’s
about as annoying as a ginger
sister, you don’t really need much
more reason to dismiss Devil
May Cry from your personal
videogaming hall of fame. We’ve
got more though. The irritating
habit of developers slapping on
ridiculously difficult modes is
something we don’t have much
time for. If you’ve ever tried any of
the Dante Must Die modes, you’ll
be with us on this one. If we liked
the series more, this would be an
absolutely unforgivable irritation.
Think about it. You’re essentially
buying a game that you’re not able
to complete. Who the hell would
purposefully do that? It’s like
buying a ladder with no top rungs.
Why? Sheer laziness, with, we
suspect sadism
Then, of course, there’s the
travesty of the second instalment.
Magisterial dross if ever we played
it. The thing is that there’s not a
whole lot of difference between
the second effort and any of the
others. You’re still playing as a
moronic half-queer, you’re still,
ultimately, not going to be able to
complete the bloody thing, and
regardless of how cool you think
you’re being, when your combos
are rated by arbitrary adjectives
like ‘Cool’, ‘Dangerous’, ‘Stylish’,
‘Brutal’ and ‘Super-duper Sweet
Smokin’’, how on earth are you
supposed to get any real kind of
satisfaction out of it?
Honestly, you couldn’t really
spread more style over this thin
slice of substance without it
crumbling into a million pieces
and falling down the front of your
jumper. As it is, you’ll rarely find a
more over hyped, underwhelming
game on any system. Somebody
tell Dante to stop acting the goat,
he’s only embarrassing himself and
everyone around him. |
