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Call Of Duty Series
Activision, PS2, PSP, PS3 (2004 - Ongoing)
Leave your rifles in the cloakroom
We’re on the precipice,
people. When you see
fat, blonde women
eating doughnuts, children
screaming in Asda, or loud mobile
phone conversations in a train’s
‘silent zone’, one thing is clear:
the world will be desolated in the
coming months. There’s no room
left for us on this planet, and
everything we ever knew is going to
disappear in a blue, gaseous lake in
the South of England. You know it
makes sense.
Anyway, the Call Of Duty series
is playing its own role in the
apocalypse. If there’s any franchise
that glamorises war in a more
overt, insulting and sacrilegious
way, I haven’t seen it. Besides, in
all my years of preaching to the
unconverted, I’ve never played
a game that is so linear – let me
open a door, for God’s sake. I’ve
been doing it in real life for years,
and Call Of Duty doesn’t seem to
validate my door-opening abilities.
I mean, I know that there are
those that can’t do it – possums,
mostly – but the rest of us see
door opening as one of life’s easier
tasks. Convincing a single mother
to keep her baby, that’s difficult,
but perhaps I should talk about
that in another magazine: Heat,
or something equally pointless.
Anyway, Call Of Duty bugs the hell
out of me: whether you’re insipidly
crawling your way through boring,
long grass or rescuing hostages,
the game is a linear amalgamation
of FPS clichés.
The entire FPS genre has gone
kaput, but even Call Of Duty 4’s
most exciting set pieces don’t
make it a standout game. I enjoyed
the Chernobyl flashback, of course,
but what’s tense about a Scottish
man hidden in some bushes? Has
no one ever been to Glasgow on a
Wednesday night?
But I’m straying from my point.
Call Of Duty is the best first-person
shooter franchise in existence,
but this very fact exemplifies
why the genre is broken, lazy and
negating. If this is the pinnacle of
Infinity Ward’s expertise, I honestly
couldn’t give a damn about its next
generic monstrosity. It actually
leaves me fuming when videogame
publications award the fourth
game 10/10: let me point out the
problems, people. Let me do your
jobs for you…
Let’s see… There’s uninspired
artistic direction, repetitive levels
recycled from the design of previous
instalments, non-existent story,
rare set pieces, dull weapons, meek
air strikes, and an inconsequential
realisation of war’s atmosphere.
I left feeling like I’d dry-humped
COD4: Modern Warfare after
completing it. I gave it my all, put my
best efforts into finding pleasure,
but ultimately left unsatisfied. It was
like eating a Cornetto, when I really
wanted a Calypo.
There was definitely something
of value in there, but it felt like it
was the wrong time for it to come
to fruition. Still, at least it gave
me something to do at night – the
Bible isn’t nearly as interesting on
the fourth readthrough. |
