Alternative Endings To… Modern Warfare 2
Yes, it’s yet another new regular feature on Play-Mag.co.uk, in which we take some well-known games and come up with some suggestions for ‘better’ endings. What better game to start with than one whose story made almost no sense at all from pretty much the moment you finish the training level? We’ve struggled to come up with anything that makes less sense than what actually happens…
• Soap realises that Alexei Borodin is an anagram of ‘One Ox. Die Blair!’ and suddenly everything else falls into place.
• It turns out that all of the bad things that have happened have been masterminded by Sergeant Paul Jackson who, rather than being killed when caught in a nuclear blast in Call Of Duty 4, was actually mutated and granted incredible powers. He’s grown to 100 feet tall, glows all over, has powers of mind control and can shoot laser beams from his eyes and jets of radioactive slime from his knees. It’s an EPIC final boss battle.
• Secret CIA documents are ‘leaked’ to the US media proving that the reason no minors were present at Zakhaev International Airport on the day of the ‘American’ massacre was that all of the people travelling that day had killed their own children. In light of this new evidence, Russian issues a statement: “Oh… s’pose that’s alright then. Erm… no harm done then, eh? We’re quits… yeah?” and withdraws its forces from US soil.
• Ghost appears to Soap as an actual ghost and says, “Sooooo-oooooap! SooooOOOOoo-oooap! Woooo! WoooOOOoooo! Toooo end the waaaaa-aaaar… yooooOOOooo-ooou must…” then the credits roll.
• Instead of simply stabbing Soap, Shepherd begins disembowelling him. While he’s doing this Soap screams, in a Scottish accent so thick it needs to be subtitled even in Scotland, “Och! Thee meet teek oor leyves, bit thee wull nae teek oor freedom the noo!” At which point, 6,000 highlanders in blue war paint come charging over the nearest mountain in slow motion. Shepherd reacts by turning to Soap and saying, “Now, that’s patriotism!”
• Soap wakes up during the fight with Shepherd and realises it was all a dream. Although, oddly enough, Shepherd really is straddling his chest when he wakes up.