Added Value: Guns according to PlayStation

Borderlands

Guns, according to the world of Borderlands, are assembled from hundreds of thousands of different parts to make randomly assembled armaments. There’s approximately “a lot” of guns in Borderlands and some of them are rather interesting combinations. See: the automatic sniper rifle with exploding rounds, or the gun shaped like a beagle that fires three-legged frogs… alright, so we made that one up. Guns in Borderlands are many and range from normal to full-on mental.

Ratchet and Clank

While not holding as many combinations as Borderlands or the potential for hilarious weaponry that comes with the random aspect, the fact that the weapons in the Ratchet and Clank series were purposefully designed the way they are gives them the edge in any Super Crazy Wacky Weapons competition we may have. The Suck Cannon, Lava Cannon, Omega N90 Hurricane, RYNO, Negotiator and the Chimp-o-Matic (from the upcoming A Crack in Time) are all testament to this.

Army of Two

It may have been an astonishing exercise in utterly ridiculous and borderline offensive Americana, but at least Army of Two had the good sense to offer up some semblance of realism when it came to the guns in the game. We have spoken to a friend serving in the armed forces, currently stationed in Afghanistan, who confirmed to Play that the military do indeed like to gold plate their guns in order to “bling” them.

LittleBigPlanet

You wouldn’t expect guns in such a game as LBP, being cute and family-friendly as it is, but after seeing what’s on offer we can’t help but agree they fit perfectly. Essentially little paint/Nerf cannons, guns in the (create your own) PS3 masterpiece fire paintballs and are about as offensive and aggressive as a placated kitten doused in cotton wool. Called “Fluffy Wumpykins”. Asleep. Cuddling up to a puppy. Viewed through a wide-angle lens.

Worms

This is “guns”, not “weapons”, so this may come as a surprise if you were expecting us to wax lyrical about the Concrete Donkey or Holy Hand Grenade. The guns on Worms are rubbish and boring. Controversial? No. While definitely useful, they elicit nothing but groans from the person on the receiving end and are a very small step up from facing an opponent who insists on blocking attacks with girders and teleporting everywhere.

The places guns don’t belong

Tekken 6

It’s brilliant – really, really good. Really, it is – read the review. But we can’t help but feel confused and annoyed by the inclusion of guns in scenario mode. They’re useful, powerful and can help you out of a tight spot, but they don’t fit in a beat-‘em-up like this.

Final Fantasy VIII

Squall’s gunblade doesn’t fit. We’re not saying guns in Final Fantasy don’t work – that’s fine: it’s to be expected. But having a sword which is essentially just an elongated gun isn’t just borderline daft, it’s utterly ridiculous. Even Barret from FFVII’s gun-arm made more sense.

Mercenaries 2: World in Flames

Guns don’t belong in Mercenaries 2. The gunplay is poor and unnecessary, and a game based entirely on massive explosions is good in our book. This could be considered a dual entry for Mercenaries and Red Faction: Guerrilla, as they both tick the same boxes.

X-Blades

Another entry for the gunblade phenomenon, as well as an unprecedented double entry for both guns that don’t fit in a game and clothes which aren’t welcome in a game. Oh, and an extra special stealth entry for a really, really bad game.