5 handy Minigun storage and transport tips
Black Ops has a scene that reveals a Minigun stored in a prison. This is dumb. Here are five other places you shouldn’t take your Minigun.
Spurred on by Call Of Duty: Black Ops’ revelation that in Russia in the 1960s they would store Miniguns in prisons, I thought it would be apt to theorise five other places it would not be pertinent to take or store one of the most destructive bullet-firing weapons ever created. This list was created with a lot of thought-sweat and intense research, so hopefully the results will live up to the oh-so-high standards of the internet.
Anywhere the potential for irrational violence exists
You know where I mean – anger management classes, AA meetings (Christian attempts to cure booze-hounds, not the car repairing chaps), butcher’s shops when there’s a particularly good sale on. All of these places need to be defended from violence by not allowing violence to arise. Violently. With a Minigun.
A fake gun shop
Picture the scene: you want a fake gun. You see the ‘fake’ Minigun. You purchase it, and then offer to show your friends how much fun it is to wield a fake Minigun. With deadly consequences.
A Nordenfelt gun showcase
If you’re attempting to host a showcase for that most warmongering of warmongering nations, the Swedish, you’d probably want to highlight their entry to the multi-barrelled machine gun pages of history. This wasn’t the Minigun, meaning you probably wouldn’t want to have one at your showcase. It would just cause a scene, frankly.
The offices of Koninklijke Philips Electronics
For very similar reasons to above, this would just be an embarrassing faux pas. As we all know, the Minigun was developed by one of Philips’s main competitors, General Electric, so it’s not the kind of thing you’d want to introduce to the office for fear of showing yourself up.
A BLOODY PRISON
The notion of storing a Minigun in a prison is what informed the entire basis of this (heavily-researched, definitely serious) article, true. But it’s such a monumentally stupid decision on the part of the prison staff in Black Ops it needs to be repeated here: do not store your Minigun in a prison. Just don’t.
Hopefully that clears things up for you, and your future Minigun storage and transport won’t become an unnecessary risk to yourself and others.